Hey guys! Here’s how I did for week 2 (as it’s really almost time to write about week 3—procrastinators gonna procrastinate).
You know something really great? Jen’s challenge is really working. The point being that we spend this month enriching our marriage! But it doesn’t have to be one sided. I told Daniel about it, and he was very on board, and he has wanted to help too! So this week’s challenge, affirm your spouse with loving words, has actually been geared more toward me from Daniel! I took the challenge and changed it up a little for Daniel too because his love language has totally changed into Acts of Service, so I did more of the subtle acts during the week.
How did we do? Daniel spent a lot of time “hearing me out” and recognizing when I needed a little encouraging boost, although it’s hard to recall examples to write down. You know how sometimes you just feel more filled up than other times? I KNOW it had to do with how he was caring for me with all the loving words of affirmation!
Daniel’s language used to be words of affirmation, but sometimes I think it’s just dependent upon the season of life you are in. We were married while he was still in school, and he was in a season that needed a lot of encouragement! During that time, I worked, and didn’t need as much encouragement, but TOTALLY needed acts of service. When I got home, dog-tired, I didn’t want to do the dishes. I wanted to sit down and have someone affirm my value by recognizing exactly what I needed. I felt so loved when I would come home and the dishes would be done and our evening chores were taken care of for the most part! And Daniel needed lots of texts and letters and verbal encouragement during that time. It was hard for me to figure out how to speak his language since it just wasn’t mine! But now, we’ve completely flipped and he’s 100% acts of service and I’m words of affirmation.
Like I said, I think it’s because of the different seasons in our life. Staying at home with a toddler doesn’t afford a lot of verbal communication in general, and so sometimes I’m starved for it when Daniel gets home. And he works with kids, so he spends all day instructing and talking to his bosses and coworkers and is ready to relax when he gets home!
So I made a huge point to go out and get take-out one day so he just didn’t have to help figure out the meal. Sounds stupid and small, but I hate picking up take-out so Daniel does it most of the time, and this time, I went out, ordered from one of his favorite restaurants, and brought home the food, all while letting him hang out and play some video games. It was a really great day and I could tell he felt really loved by it.
Another way he feels loved and affirmed by me is if I listen to him in the morning as he tells me how he slept, and if it was a hard night, I let him sleep for another hour (we’re weirdos who wake up at the same time) and I hang out with Eliot. Eliot and I usually make breakfast together for Daniel and wake him up an hour later after he’s slept uninterrupted and feels better. I should mention, a reason Daniel doesn’t often sleep well is because he’s taken over the nights with Eliot ever since we got pregnant (and E sleeps almost the whole night by himself, but kicks Daniel the rest of the time after Daniel goes in to lay down with him).
So those are the simple things I did for this challenge, but I can tell it’s really helping Daniel and I to communicate better and to feel more full with each other. When we feel emotionally loved and filled up by each other, we argue way less and it’s like patience is just so much more increased within our relationship!