Oh, hi, Lent.
Just when I thought I was “lent-ing” enough, God decided to give me an exercise of humility to kick that pride where the sun don’t shine… Lent is always a season of constant evaluation (or it should be) in our spiritual lives. It is a time where we question our weaknesses, we ask how we can join our sufferings to Him, we meditate on His great sacrifice out of love and we let those meditations help us to fall before Him again and again. If we think we are “lent-ing” enough, we’ve probably stopped that evaluation or meditation (or both) and we probably need to turn around and stop letting pride in. There are so many ways pride can enter into the season of Lent… That’s a huge reason we are to fast in secret! I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to see just how clearly pride can weasel into this beautiful, painful time, probably because I got a rather large dose of it, followed by a rather mortifying dose of humility.
If you’ve been a follower since I had my old blog, you might remember a funny blog post about my experience dealing with a huge roach while Daniel was gone. It involved a broom, a grocery bag, multiple things being thrown across the room, me standing on a bed yelling, and a silly depiction of the whole episode using “paint.” Well, I’ve just experienced the sequel…
This time, I couldn’t face the roach with as much dignity. Yes, that’s right, I said dignity. At least in my experience before, I was able to face the roach and eventually destroy my enemy. But today, I was pretty petrified and found myself wishing things like, “I just wish I was in the hospital with LABOR PAINS over this!” Apparently, roaches are a bigger deal to me than I thought…
With the baby on my hip, I grabbed my phone, began panting out of fear, and practically yelled when Daniel answered. “THERE’S A ROACH AND IT’S REALLY BIG, AND IT’S CRAWLING REALLY FAST!”
“It’s OK, I’m going to walk you through it. Do you have a shoe?” Daniel said.
“NO, WHY DO I NEED A SHOE? I CAN’T KILL IT! I JUST CAN’T! IT’S TOO SCARY!”
“Where is Eliot?” (side note: shortly after Eliot was born when I saw a roach, I ran screaming from the room and was back within 15 seconds to grab the baby that I forgot who had been laying next to me…)
“He’s in my arms, Daniel, I just can’t kill it! I don’t know what to do! IT’S MOVING!” I danced from foot to foot and Eliot watched me lose my marbles over what I perceive as the devil’s insect demons.
“Well, put your shoes on, and leave. You don’t have a lot of options. I can’t come home and kill it because I’m swamped here. You can either camp out in the bedroom until I get home at 9:00 or you can kill it.” He said, evenly.
“I CAN’T KILL IT! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!!” I yelled into the phone, standing atop a chair.
This exchange went back and forth for a while, and I continued to act like a crazy irrational person, and at some point, this was said, “I know you would protect Eliot from any harm if it were a human being threatening you, and this is just a stupid bug! YOU CAN DO IT.” And to that, I replied something like this, “ROACHES ARE WORSE THAN HUMANS!”
So, I, dressed in my superman pajamas, unshowered with a baby who desperately needed a diaper change, stood there thinking and barely kept from crying. After a moment, I asked Daniel if his best friend was home from work today, who lives about twenty minutes away with traffic. He said he didn’t know, so he hung up and called him, after giving me instructions to not leave the roach unattended. Five minutes later, he called me back to tell me his friend was on the way.
“He’s coming over, it will take about twenty minutes. Don’t move. Watch the roach and make sure you don’t lose it. Feed him lunch, thank him profusely, and don’t let the roach out of your sight.I have to go back to my meeting now.” I continued shrieking as the roach crawled quickly from place to place, and for the next twenty minutes, I followed it from the living room, to the kitchen, to the living room again, keeping my distance. I spent the entire time lamenting in my head about my weakness and agonizing over the thing. I spent that time in embarrassment over what my husband must think and what my husband’s friend must think.
I spent a lot of time being mortified.
And finally, after that long period of terror, embarrassment, and mortification, a friendly face appeared at the open door and came directly in to deal with the three inch monster. I pointed it out, gave him a hug, and said I was going in the other room because I had no intentions of losing my marbles so audibly in front of this friend. After a few minutes, I heard, “He’s dead!” and I came out of my retreat and took a shaky breath.
I was reminded of my many flaws, today, and more importantly, my weaknesses. I couldn’t even deal with a roach on my own, and it reminded me of how much more I can’t do without God. It reminded me of how I need to be thankful and grateful, and how I need to repent of my sins, because I NEED GOD. I had to have the humility (whether chosen or not) to ask a friend to help me with my weakness, and I need to have the same humility to ask God to help me with my more spiritual weaknesses.