Dear sweet Eliot,
Sometimes I get overwhelmed with how much I wish you were out already and in my arms so that I could kiss you all over and stroke your sweet little fingers and toes. On those days, I find it easy to rub circles over my tummy and for tears of happiness to come into my eyes. Some days, like today, it’s not enough, and I just have to sit down and hack out my thoughts and feelings for you just so that I don’t explode with them.
I wonder at what age you will read this little love letter and I wonder who you will be that day. I spend so many afternoons dreaming of you and the little ways you will surprise your Daddy and me. I know there will be little reflections of us in your habits, speech, and mannerisms and while I can’t wait to see what they are (after all, I love your daddy to pieces), I really can’t wait to see you just being you! I never want you to feel that you cannot be yourself, or that you must be just like us, because you are more special being just who God meant for you to be. I could never give you a perfect mold to fit into like a finely formed piece of chocolate–not even if I spent my entire life trying, and I would never want to force you into something that confines your abilities or your personality.
I wonder what sort of food you will like, the hobbies you’ll have, and the music that will speak to you. Your Daddy hated mushrooms and loved heavy metal music when he was growing up. I loved avocados with French dressing and spent most of my days sewing medieval costumes and running around wearing a cape. Your Daddy ended up fine-tuning his love of music with its depth and the theory behind it, into a career in classical music and he could not be happier. My generally odd mixture of activities as a child has grown into, well, an odd mixture of homemaking and daydreaming of the pretend sword fights you and I will have, the seas we will sail as pirates on our couch-turned-ship, and the way I can help our family have joy in creativity and imagination.
God shaped me and your Daddy into just the people he wanted for us to be, and then brought our individuality together to bring you into the world. I can tell you without a doubt that my own Mama never ran around wearing capes and pretending she was every historical or made up character she could possibly imagine, but she encouraged my hobbies, and let me be just who I was growing to be. Your Daddy’s Dad never desired to spend hours listening to Metal or wanted to join a choir of chamber singers, but he sure encouraged your Daddy in his pursuit of those things. What I’m trying to tell you is that no child is a clone of his parents, and we wouldn’t want it to be that way anyway. We are all created unique from each other, like one of a kind stones that are chipped and shined into beautiful jewels.
I can’t wait to meet you, and I love you for your differences already. Sure, there are activities, foods, hobbies, and likes that I hope we can share with you, but I’m looking forward to you sharing yourself with us too! I wonder what sorts of things you’ll introduce us to… Maybe you will be really into sports and I’ll have to learn all about one in particular only to discover that I love sports and it has been missing from my life all of these years! Maybe you’ll introduce me to new foods that I’ve never tried, and maybe you’ll teach me about things I’ve never thought of before. You are going to be my biggest growth spurt, and I thank you for that, because I never want to stop growing or forming.
As you read this letter, I want you to know that you’re more than just our son. You’re a full person with ideas, habits, thoughts, and feelings that might very well differ from our own, and that’s exactly what we want for you. Your Dad and I will spend all of our parenting years teaching you the love we’ve known from our own parents for the world, faith, and God, and we can’t wait to see what you do with that love. You’re perfect just the way you are, sweet son!
For now, keep kicking away at me and letting me feel your life inside me even when I’m exhausted and wouldn’t mind you sleeping for the sake of my own sleep, because that’s how you’re different already. Keep on defying your lullaby that your Daddy sings to you at night to tell you that it’s nighttime and show us some of that fierce independence to go against the grain (although not too much, after all, we do have to sleep sometime).
You’re going to do great things one day soon.